


Girl Talk

by MidknightMasquerade



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game), Dungeons & Dragons - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Ignis just really likes to look pretty okay, Male-Female Friendship, Non-Consensual Fingernail Painting, Okay Semi-Consensual, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-29 20:24:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10861431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidknightMasquerade/pseuds/MidknightMasquerade
Summary: After an attempt at flirtation takes a turn for the worst, Ignis turns to his closest friend and confidante for wisdom. Unfortunately, Rapunsmel seems more interested in nail polish and her new wheeled shoes than in his failed confession of love. Perhaps picking the girl that turns into rats for a living wasn't the best option.





	Girl Talk

**Author's Note:**

> So, I am currently apart of one the most entertaining, hysterical, and surprisingly well-written campaigns I've ever had the pleasure of participating in. Within this quest, my Fire Genasi Warlock, Ignis Adaar, adventured alongside of an attractive, kind, and completely not-interested-in-flirtatious-two-timing-men time traveler known as Alice. After their time together, Alice asked him if she was getting mixed signals, or if he was only toying with her emotions. When Ignis sputters out the worst response in history (cut him some slack guys, even his roleplayer's the worst flirt on the planet), Alice rejects him completely. Awkwardness ensues.
> 
> Cue the cute Goblin princess to the rescue!

One would think it impossible to sabotage an entire relationship in the span of a single conversation.  
Ignis, however, had a talent for turning the seemingly impossible into the suddenly probable.

And he had _probably_ ruined any chance at romance.

Now pacing around the inn with enough nervous energy to rival Leb himself, Ignis could scarcely keep himself composed. Most women burst into tears at the thought of lost love. Men, on the other hand, brushed it aside externally whilst blaming themselves internally. Ignis? No, no. None of the above. Ignis sought out the closest confidante, prattling on, and on, and on, until the sweet embrace of death seemed a pleasant possibility.

Poor Rapunsmel now suffered as the latest victim of his heartbreak.

"It was bad. I mean _bad_ bad - like, really bad. I couldn't stop myself from blabbing on and on about...I-I don't even know what! By Graz'zt, what was I saying!? Hell, she wasn't sure and neither was I, but we both knew it was wrong, all wrong! Can you believe she even asked me that in the first place? Who goes up to someone and actually asks about 'what signals I'm sending'!? I can't tell! I didn't study signalology! There's bad reception or vibes or juju or whatever the heck it is all over the place and now I don't know if she'll ever talk to me again oh Graz'zt what if she hates me maybe I should leave will Oscar kick me out of his house where will I go I'm too beautiful to be homeless and live on the streets with the rats not like yours those are very nice rats but--"

"-- excuuuuuuuse me!"

For the first time in the half an hour since Ignis started his scatterbrained explanation of recent events to Rapunsmel, someone other than their current wayward Romeo spoke up. Rapunsmel stood to her feet, attempting to push herself a little higher to stand at eye level with Ignis. Unfortunately, Goblin genetics rarely allowed for equality with the Genasi, and thus, her tippy-toes did little to aid her attempt at intimidation.

"Oh good, you're all done. That was a lot of talking. Too much. No more! You almost burnt the inn down to the ground!" One glance at the slightly-charred ceiling would reveal her assumption to be true. Ignis' emotions always had a habit of causing the hair on his head to burst into an inferno at the slightest inclination of untamed turmoil. Helpful for haircuts, not so much for housekeeping. One moment more and Rapunsmel might have been made into a pancake. "I know what you need!"

Ignis raised an eyebrow, extending his arms towards her after a moment of reluctance. "...a hug?"

"GIRL TALK!"

Without another word, those outstretched hands found themselves taken ahold of and dragged off to the nearest inn room - Ignis', luckily. He couldn't imagine what Nim might think if she happened to overhear this. Or worse - Lance ( _ugh_ ).

Making their way inside, Rapunsmel released her captive from her iron grip as soon as both had arrived safely. She peeked her head outside the door, glancing about both ways to make sure no one had followed them down the hallway, before shutting it softly behind them. Rapunsmel plopped herself on the bottom bunk of the nearby bed, patting the empty space beside her to beckon Ignis over.

"But Punsy, I--" "SHUSH! Sit, sit."

With a sigh, Ignis complied. As the Genasi seated himself, his Goblin cohort laid claim to his hand once more. Producing a vial of nail polish from -- actually, Ignis knew better than to ask where such strange items could be kept when Quincy and his magical (and consistently convenient) Bag of Holding weren't around -- Rapunsmel unscrewed the top to reveal the color inside. "The prettiest of ambers to match your eyes!"

Ignis' clearly scarlet, obviously not amber, eyes simply blinked back at her. He decided against bringing the topic up. Besides, amber looked good on him. "Gotta admit, noooot exactly what I expected when I strongarmed you into talking with me. Well, listening to me more like it." He flourished his nails. "Make 'em pop, please."

Rapunsmel seemed all too eager to comply, lathering the polish on with a sloppy excitement equivalent to that of an infant coloring for the first time. "Now, why don't we start at the beginning, hm? Tell Rapunsmel how the second-most beautiful woman in all the world broke your heart into iiiiitty-bitty pieces."

One long-winded explanation, two bottles of nail polish, and a whole slew of tears (on Ignis' part - and only a handful of them because Rapunsmel insisted on slathering the polish all over his chest tattoos, too, for some incessant reason - "you wanted them to POP!") later, the two now stood on the same page: that Alice had asked an innocent-enough question, that Ignis had supplied the worst possible answer either of them had ever heard, and that all those shared moments of intimacy now seemed moot in light of one man's stupidity. Repairing a potential romance remained nigh impossible.

"I screwed up. All that time together, those flirtatious jokes, the times I took a bullet for her - literally, once...well, dragon breath, but close enough. All for nothing..." Ignis buried his head deep into his hands. A disgruntled groan escaped his lips. "You're a girl. What do I do, Punsy? How can I win her back?"

"Well, they don't call me Rapunsmel the Wise for nothing! Let me think..." Rapunsmel tapped her fingers against her chin for but a moment before the motion ceased, replaced by a snap. "I've got it!" Passion sparking in her eyes, Rapunsmel leapt to her feet. "We can work together! I can be your...your...your flingman!"

"...my wingman?"

"Yes, that's it!" Shoe carting about the room now, unable to contain her energy, Rapunsmel started to rattle off her list of ideas. "This will be _perfect_! Now then. What do girls like? I know - flowers! And puppies! Oh yes, and, and...and dancing! No, wait, you can't dance. Can you dance? We can work on that." 

Following her one-sided brainstorming session, Rapunsmel rolled over to Ignis' spot on the bed and clasped his hands in her own. "Don't give up yet, Ignis! We can win her back, I'm sure of it!"

A glimpse of hope flickered within the Fire Genasi's eyes. "You...really think so? Even after all I've done?" With a half-hearted chuckle, a self-deprecating scoff, he whispered almost too softly for even himself to hear, "...even if I'm not good enough for her?"

Clammy hands found their way onto his face, lifting Ignis' eyes to meet Rapunsmel's smoldering irises. "Ignis! You are good enough for _anyone_! Why, any woman in the world would be lucky to have you!" A pause. "...except for me, because Deebee and I are going to get married and have a million beautiful babies together. But! Anyone else, I'm certain would be _thrilled_ to have you!"

"Why, one day, you'll find someone almost as beautiful as I am!"

**Author's Note:**

> For reference:  
> Ignis Adaar = Male Fire Genasi Warlock, and the world's worst flirt  
> Rapunsmell the Wise = Female Goblin Druid, with a tendency towards spasmodic, and hysterical, comments  
> Alice = Female Bard (and former NPC), who traveled through time with the party to save her father  
> Quincy = The team's resident klepto who keeps everything he can find in his Bag of Holding to sell later  
> Deebee = A Goblin NPC who fell in love with Rapunsmel and whose future self smooched her good  
> Lance = NPC rescued by the team who laid the mack down on Alice - and it worked  
> Shoe Carts = In-game Heelys. No, I'm not kidding. They are a canonical piece of Rapunsmel's equipment.


End file.
